How to discipline children with love and logic
Learning how to discipline children is a vital aspect of good parenting. The word love sounds sweet while discipline sounds harsh. Yet it is true that they have to go hand in hand with regard to child rearing. Those parents who do not try to discipline their children ruin them and hence cannot claim to love them. The other extreme of harsh discipline without the mellowing effect of love also leads to disaster and is self-defeating. With such wide variations in temperament of children a parent naturally wonders how to discipline children properly. This is no easy task. Some children are too sensitive and are easily hurt by rebuke however mild. Others are unaffected even by severe scolding. While there may be diverse opinions on the different styles of disciplining children all experts agree that severe physical punishment does only harm but no good. Therefore spanking children should be avoided.
The purpose of discipline should be to change the child from within. A change from within always blossoms out of wisdom and this process takes a long time, but will be permanent. Hence discipline involves a lot of counseling, education and elucidation. It is essential to make a child understand over a period of time that there is a reasonably well-defined pattern of behavior, which is acceptable in a civilized society. There are two approaches to the issue of how to discipline children- negative and positive. The negative approach involves punishing a child whenever be displays undesirable behavior. Positive approach consists of rewarding a child whenever he behaves well but ignoring bad behavior. The positive approach should be used much more frequently then negative approach. Children always want attention and by focusing on bad behavior we indirectly encourage it. Anyone carefully observing children can notice that any act, which draws the attention of people around will be repeated. In fact this is true for adults also. Children annoy parents in so many ways. Many parents find it difficult to decide on how to discipline children and unwittingly fall into the trap reacting strongly only to see the child’s behavior getting worse. Parents should cultivate the habit of keeping their cool, distracting the children whenever they try to do something undesirable and praising them for doing anything constructive. There is no place for discipline during the first two years of life. During this period they need love. Mothers should promptly attend to the needs of infants- feeding, changing wet diapers, human contact and interaction. No baby should be allowed to cry for a long time without being attended to. Feeling of insecurity during this stage can cause problems in later life.
It is essential for parents to lead by example. It is useless to advice a child to speak the truth, when parents are blatantly lying. It is futile to tell a child to speak softly and politely if parents are shouting at each other all the time. Hence while learning how to discipline children parents should be willing to analyze and correct themselves. A very serious mistake, which many parents commit, is to let the child know that there is difference of opinion among them. It is wrong for one parent to support a child when the other disapproves of what the child is saying or doing. This causes a lot of confusion in the mind of the child. It parents commit this mistake repeatedly disciplining a child becomes next to impossible. Parents should curb their egos, think of the effects their words and acts have on the child and focus on how to discipline children. Parents should never ever use their child to settle their personal scores. Many parents seem to think that loving a child means getting whatever he/she wants. This is a dangerous assumption. It is very important to make a child realize that one should match one’s expenditure with income. It is better to say no occasionally even when they can afford to meet the demand. Though we all express our love by giving some gifts love is something more profound and deeper than that. It involves thinking of how to discipline children properly ,what is best for them in the long run and making them responsible persons. Almost every child learns very early that a powerful tool for getting what he wants is crying incessantly. It can be very irritating and embarrassing for parents especially in a public place. Mothers get easily unnerved and often immediately accede to the child’s demand to stop the crying. It is not uncommon to see all the members of the family rushing to the child and begging him to stop crying. The little tyrant quickly puts forth his demand. Often neighbors are disturbed and may inquire why the child is crying adding to the parents’ discomfiture. It is very important to learn how to discipline children in such a situation. If this happens inside the house parents should take the child to a room, close the doors and windows and wait for a few minutes and then start talking to the child. But a child should never be left alone. Once the child has let off steam parents should try to talk to the child and arrive at a face saving formula without letting the child assume that he can get whatever he wants by screaming. Always remember that even small children have egos. While this is not always easy it is extremely important for parents not to display undue anxiety. Children can sense that the parents are about to breakdown and persist with their crying. If people understand the psychological basis of behavior they can learn how to discipline children and help each other in handling children. It is quite common to see a child listening to a neighbor or some relative but not to parents. Parents need not get annoyed with this, as it is normal in almost all children. Though not always easy, with patience, tact and determination parents can learn how to discipline children and convince them that they cannot blackmail their parents with temper tantrums. Once they are able to do it the problem usually does not recur. It a child starts crying loudly in a public place it can be quite awkward for parents. Curious onlookers add to their anxiety. This has to be handled diplomatically but firmly. It is better to anticipate the problem in advance and be ready with an action plan. If the child demands something that is well within the reach of parents, they can go ahead even though it was not planned in advance. If not they should try to distract the attention of the child. Children have much shorter attention span. This will be easier is young children. Older children can be quite stubborn and create a scene in a public place. Parents should try to explain that they cannot purchase it immediately as it was not planned and would consider it later. They should tell the child that he might have to give up something else in lieu of what he is demanding now. The child should also be warned that if he does not behave property, he would not be taken out. A mistake that many parents commit is to threaten a child with something and then not carrying it out. When this happens the child will not take the parents seriously. Being firm and consistent is very important. It is also important not to show your annoyance. Many parents do not appreciate this, make threats which they do not intend to carry out and then go on wondering how to discipline children. As the child grows older parents have to ensure that he is going in the right direction in order to be able to face the challenges of life and accept responsibilities. Often this means good academic performance. But every child is unique and some children may not study well. If any child is not studying well parents need to consult a doctor to ensure that there is no problem with hearing and vision. Mild hearing impairment and refractive errors in eyes, which may not be very obvious can impair learning and can be detected by specialized tests. If they are normal then the I Q of the child needs to be evaluated. It is futile to blame a child for poor academic performance if he is suffering from any kind of handicap. Otherwise the child will develop inferiority complex and subconscious hatred towards parents. Some children suffer from a condition called learning disability. Such children may not be able to do well academically in spite of normal vision, hearing and I. Q. Many parents do not know about this and blame their children for being lazy and irresponsible.
If a child is not interested in studies and does not have any other problem parents need to find out what the child is interested in. Many great scientists were considered as useless in their schools. It is very important to remember that every child is unique and avoid comparing one child with the other. Making sarcastic remarks will do only harm and no good and there is absolutely no justification for sarcasm. Some are destined to be scholars, some great artists, sports persons, businessmen etc. Loving a child means helping him/her to be what his potential allows him to be. Many parents harbor unrealistic expectations about their children, force them to take up a course against their wish, ruin their lives and then repent. The first priority should be to make a good human being out of the child and the next to empower him/her to lead a productive and dignified life. Every parent should strive to make his/her child a responsible citizen. Loyalty to ones country should be cultivated from early childhood. A nation is what its citizens make it. Today people keep harping on human rights but forget their duties. Every child should be made to understand that rights and duties are two sides of the same coin and that in order to enjoy our rights and privileges we should first discharge our duties and fulfill our obligations. If every one respects every other person’s legitimate rights, there will be no violation of human rights. Man has made a mess of this world. Only he can undo it and create a better world. For a better tomorrow we have to take proper care of our children today. Learning how to discipline children is extremely important in order to bring up kids properly. Related links Accept Your Children As They Are
Return from how to discipline children to child health
|
